Just what you've been waiting for

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but not a ton of things have been happening. Here's the top ten most exciting things in my life right now:

1. It's still winter (insert your favorite cuss word here).

2. I went to book club last night. We spent about 15 minutes on the actual books we read, then proceeded to talk about racism, my hair, and farting, among other things.

3. Can we talk about Brad Pitt's pervy mustache???

Yuck.

4. I was released as Young Women's President and now I get to teach in Relief Society. This means I only have to magnify my calling about once a month, as opposed to twice a week. Also this means I'm actually attending Relief Society for the first time in over 2 years. Also the weekly panic attacks have miraculously disappeared.

5. My mom called me today to tell me about the new bathing suit she got. Soon she's going to send me a picture with her fancy pants iPhone, which I will receive on my POC (piece o' crap) Samsung Go Phone. See how exciting my life is?

6. Dirk has apparently gotten over much of his skittishness at the dog park which he developed after 5 too many stupid grumpy dogs tried to kill him. Now he just plays and has fun again, and it is a beautiful sight to behold. Especially when, once well exercised, he trades standing in front of the TV and whining for sleeping.

7. Today at work there was a box of mystery chocolates. Mystery because you couldn't tell what kind of filling they had. I am an expert at picking the good chocolates out of the See's Candies box, but this was a different chocolatier. Now, try not to be jealous, but in spite of all these obstacles, I managed to find the two delicious caramel chocolates! Score! Also, way exciting!

8. We got our garage door opener fixed. It broke in the midst of the -40 degree arctic freeze, so we were forced to get out of our warm cars, open the garage door manually (I don't have a lot of arm strength, this was difficult), then park our cars, then close the garage door. I know, right??? As Tim said, "I feel like we're such peasants doing it ourselves." Now we're back to Noble status. Hip hip huzzah!

9. Totally fell asleep at my desk today while reading medical charts.

10. Tomorrow I get to go to work! And it's still cold.

Try really hard not to be jealous about my glamorous life.

How to prepare for -30 degree weather

Replace the cell phone that you replaced a week before but then lost so that if your car doesn't start you don't freeze to death while trying to get help.

Check.

Fill up your gas tank.

Check.

Buy a lifetime supply of hot cider packets that will probably only last you a week.

Check.

Put on your winter weight with junk food of your choice (I prefer a combo of Hint of Lime Tostitos and Golden Oreos).

Check.

Go to the gym at least once in a brave attempt to ward off Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Check.

Exercise your dog really well the weekend before in the hopes that it will last him all week long (it won't, but you won't feel so guilty knowing you tried).

Check.

Don't.
Even.
Look.
at last month's heating bill. It's all Monopoly (read: loan) money anyway, maybe the tooth fairy will pay it.

I couldn't help myself. No check.

Make sure that the wonderful woman you visit teach who is homebound has enough provisions for the week and knows that you would visit her, but you can only survive one trip outside of your house a day.

Check.

Warn your dad that any mention of the 80 degree weather in your hometown may lead to a psychotic break, and it won't be pretty. It will be chubby. With very white and hairy legs.

Check.

Cry.

Check.

I get by with a little help from my friends

I got a new phone to replace the lost one (same number), but lost all of my phone numbers in the process. Please please please email me with your numbers!

Have a happy Monday tomorrow!

First the bike rack, now this

If you've called my phone recently, you should have gotten this message:

"Hi, you've reached Sara. Um, I lost my phone, so if you need to get a hold of me, call Tim."

This is why expensive phones, with special texting capabilities and "apps" and oohh, I can check Facebook every second, you know, those phones, are not for me. My phone was a $60 replacement phone that Cingular reserves for extra-special people like me that drop their phone in the toilet and aren't due for an upgrade anytime soon.

Here's what I think might have happened. This story requires a little background, so be patient. First of all, you need to know that the Milwaukee VA has some of the worst parking problems EVER. Also we have some of the worst handicapped access EVER, which is really bad because we have a lot of wheelchair-bound patients, especially amputees, that come to the hospital. Plus, it's a freakin' hospital - hello, let's make it accessible (don't get this social worker riled up, she will advocate your A).

Parking is so bad that I have been parking on a residential side street, until I was told that as of January 2009 I could get towed for doing that. Probably parking would not be such a problem if I got to work at 7:30, but I am not a fast getter readyer, which any roommate of mine (including Tim) can attest to. So I get there at 10 to 8:00, when all the spots in the reasonably close lots are taken, and you're now forced to park in, no joke, Minnesota. So I've never parked in the Minnesota lot, and am not sure where it is, but have heard murmurings of a shuttle that runs to and from the hospital and the Minnesota lot. I find a spot in this tiny little lot way in the middle of nowhere, after having searched for Building 6 (supposedly near Minnesota lot) for 10 minutes and finally deciding that between Buildings 5 and 7 will have to do. Why number if you're not going to keep the buildings in numerical order? Oh right, Federal Government.

There is no sign of a shuttle, or other employees that could point me in the right direction. It is 10 degrees. I am wearing my really cute silver flats with the convenient decorative cutouts for snow to seep through. I can't even see the main hospital. More background: the VA grounds are HUGE. We're talking acres, including a national cemetery and post-Civil War era buildings back from when the VA was the one of the first Soldier's Homes. I start walking and hark!, there is the medical center. The road is icy, the paths are impassable with piles of snow blocking sections of sidewalk, and I am trying to get there as quickly as possible. Just when I feel like I am getting closer, I realize that stinkin' Lake Wheeler is between me and ever regaining the use of my toes again. Oh yeah, there's a lake, with swans and stuff. As I start to make my way around the lake, I slip and fall right on my butt. I shake it off and keep walking, almost flagging down the VA police as they drive by so I can get a ride to the door.

Needless to say, I was late, cold, and grumpy when I finally got to work, 25 minutes late (except I totally count my work arrival as the moment my car touches VA grounds). Even grumpier when I realized that my cell phone was nowhere to be found. Maybe some kind soul will turn it in when they find it in the Spring thaw.

Yesterday I was afraid...

that my dog didn't love me anymore.

Me, who was a stay at home dog mom when I first started grad school so that I could train him and exercise him, and keep him from being crated all the time.

Me, who has to ice pick his frozen poop out of our backyard in negative temperatures.

Me, who has been late to work countless times because he threw up just as I was about to leave for work, because he ate grass the night before, even as I yelled at him to not eat grass.

Me, who begged and pleaded to keep him when Tim said we should cut our losses and sell him, during his 6-month "I'm going to pee all over myself and my crate every time you leave me" stage.

He was with the wonderful Feezors while we were gone, and had become used to hanging out with his doggy friends Casey and Bella. He acted as though we tore him from his pack. He moped, and yes, dogs can mope.

But then today, when I came in the back door from work, I heard him bounding/falling down the stairs to greet me, and he did his lean-into-me-so-much-it-almost-knocks-me-over, and I knew we were best buds again.

Playing Catch Phrase with the In-Laws

It's Tim's mom's turn, and she doesn't have her glasses on, so she has to squint and bring the words closer, than farther away. Then she starts shouting clues:
"They wear karate clothes! And go hay-yah!"
"A black belt!"
"A kung fu fighter!"
"No, no, and they wear masks!"
"A ninja!"
"Yes! At least I think that's what it said, I couldn't really read it so I just made it up..."
"See what it says...it says, 'audience'."

Merry Christmas to YOU, Mr. President

I know there's a lot of people that have strong feelings about President Bush, and I am one of them right now. I am having a very strong feeling toward him right now:

GRATITUDE.

Many thanks to you, Mr. President, for declaring the day after Christmas a federal holiday. Now I only have to take 4 hours of unpaid time.

George W., you would be welcome at my Christmas table.

Merry Christmas, ustedes.