A New Job

I finished my fellowship at the VA this past Friday. The VA police took my badge and told me I no longer had access to the hospital. Which I thought was funny because anyone can waltz into the VA, not having my badge just means I can't ride the service elevator anymore, which is sometimes faster than the regular elevators.

The past year I spent doing the Palliative Care Fellowship taught me so much. For the first time in my life, I spent time with people who were actively dying. I watched people die with faith and courage. I watched people die angry and alone. Sometimes I got to offer words of comfort or link people to helpful resources and benefits. But mostly I got to listen, and hold hands, and think more about matters of life and death than the average 25-year-old. I hope that it made me a little wiser.

Now I am moving on to my new job: being a mom. No one interviewed me. No one checked to make sure I really got my degrees. No one even did a background check or urine screen, and let me tell you, every job I've had as a social worker has required these. (I pass every time, in all 3 states I've worked in, so feel very safe when I babysit your children). In spite of all this, if everything goes according to plan, Tim and I are going to have our very own baby human, that is half Tim, half me.

I am thrilled. I am terrified. I am very, very excited to meet her.

This will be my first job with no way out: I can't quit, it won't end, I am a mother forever.

I hope forever is long enough to learn how to do it well.

Wish me luck.