Spontaneous - and how I'm not, but I try to be

Yesterday was one of those days where getting legitimately "ready" for the day - showering, blow-drying hair, putting on deodorant (kidding!), makeup - seemed like way too much work. Probably because in order to shower I have to remove the toilet plunger, the toilet brush, the trash can, and the toilet paper roll from the bathroom. Then I have to pile a bunch of toys in the bathroom in the hopes that Lily will be entertained by them. Then I get to amuse Lily by pounding back on the shower door when her little hands, and sometimes face, come over to try to figure out what the heck mommy is doing in there.

I was all set to head out to Target and Five Guys after to meet Aunt Wendy in my awesome St. George Triathlon sweatshirt (which asks, "DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?), sweat pants, and running shoes. No makeup. Nasty hair. It was a good look, but then I felt bad for Wendy having to sit with me so I took the sweatshirt off and put on my track jacket with the bleach stain (ahhh much better!) and put on some makeup. I kept on the Elroy Half Marathon shirt which is a lovely lime green and advertises the apple dumpling you get at the end of the race. Nothing but class, people, nothing but class.

So Wendy and I are enjoying some delicious burgers, and Lily in particular is ecstatic that her lunch consists of only beef and potatoes (really, it was the happiest she'd been all day), and I was maybe whining a little bit. Tim was going out of town to Phoenix for a conference. I wanted to go too but didn't feel like driving the round trip of 12 hours with Lily for just a day's worth of Phoenix, and Tim's sister Ashleigh wasn't even going to be in town. Waaaahhh what a hard life I have. Not really at all. Anyway, I promise I wasn't fishing for this, but Wendy then offered to watch Lily for the next two days so that we could go.

I had to pause.

I had never been away from Lily for more than 6 hours. I had NEVER left her overnight. Usually doing something like this would have taken weeks of mental preparation and repeated self-assurances that it's going to be ok. Because it's not like I don't trust Wendy. She's the best! I had no doubt Lily would be in great hands and have a good time. No, of course it's the extra crazy things that come to mind. Tim and I are totally going to die or be horribly injured while away from her! And all because I thought a little time by myself would be fun. Selfish, selfish Mommy!

I told her I would think about it. Then I remembered my other child: Dirk! I can't leave! No one wants to take care of Dirk! He's a total pain! But then Cameron said he'd take care of Dirk. I was running out of excuses. I texted Tim with the news that we could get away together! What did he think? He wasn't able to respond. Clearly he didn't want me to come. Yep, I should just stay home. After all I had made big plans! A movie night! A run with a friend!

How did I become this person so paralyzed with anxiety? I resolved to pack. Packing wouldn't hurt anything and I could always unpack. I packed Lily and Dirk up. Dirk of course picked up on the anxiety and followed me around, stressed, nosing at his treats in a bag. Lily pooped instead of taking an afternoon nap. Sigh. Then she watched the Signing Times DVD ummm maybe 4 times in a row while I continued to prepare. I was really going to do this. I was going to be spontaneous. I can't complain, I reasoned, when I was given the opportunity to get away for a little bit.

So here I am, in Phoenix, the day stretched ahead of me to fill however I want.

Thanks so much to Wendy and Cameron. See you on Saturday, Lily-girl!

Dirk...maybe Cameron will adopt you.