Whiner

Last night I was being a little whiny. "Sometimes I wish my life was a little more glamorous", I told Tim. Usually I try very hard to work at being happy in the moment and enjoying the many blessings that I have. Lately I have been pretty tired, and that makes me much less patient and, let's face it, a lot less fun. I told Tim that I think I need a creative outlet, but I don't want to take time away from him or our kiddos. I compare too much. This has always been a weakness of mine. I see other mothers, with more children, somehow seeming to manage so much more than I ever could. I think of friends my age that are busy traveling, building their resumes, or just putting on makeup and blow drying their hair every day, which sometimes seems like a huge accomplishment!

Then I think of yesterday. Yesterday was kind of a rough day kid-wise. Both girls have colds. Josie was up four times the night before. I spent the first 20 minutes of sacrament meeting nursing her and trying to get her to sleep (didn't work) and the rest of the time managing Lily who was having meltdown after meltdown. Then Josie spit up all over me and herself. She slept for maybe an hour and a half during the day yesterday. That's not enough for a 2 1/2 month old baby! Dirk also thought it would be funny to jump up on the kitchen counter and start eating some chicken that was fresh out of the oven.

But yesterday there were sweet moments, too.

Lily came into the kitchen, hugged one of my legs, then the other, then gave my leg a kiss. I could tell she was just feeling terrible yesterday, but there were moments where all she wanted was her mommy. And I get to be that mommy! It is so rewarding to have those moments as a mother where you are the only one that knows what your kid wants and needs and you can help them feel better.

I think of Josie's sweet smiles, and how she's starting to do this little chuckle thing that's killing me. I love her tiny hand wrapped around my finger. I love how she calms down if she's crying and hears my voice.

I laugh and think of Tim saying something about Josie refusing to go down for a nap and his look of concern when I said, "Yeah, it's killer" and he thought I said, "Yeah, let's kill her".

Forget being glamorous! I can be glamorous later.

I have to remember that deep down, I know I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

I have to remember that my beloved Nonna, my dad's mom, would always tell me her happiest memories were of the times when she was caring for her young children.

I have to remember how quickly the past two years of Lily's life have gone by, and how happy I have been to watch her grow and develop.

I have to remember that I really, really adore being a mom to these two little girls.

And when I remember those things, nothing else matters.

Although a little more sleep wouldn't hurt. Just sayin'...