I'm sorry, am I in trouble right now?

Does anyone else ever feel like they always get into trouble when they take their animals to the vet? Will I feel this way when I take my kids to the pediatrician?

Dirk had been throwing up every day for a little over a week, so I thought something might be wrong. Keep in mind, the dog pukes every so often anyway because he loves to eat grass, rabbit poop, wood chips, and heaven knows what else whenever he can. Luckily Dirk's not very smart and he's completely forgotten about the mother of all foul and disgusting dog delicacies that lurks in our basement: the litter box. Cat poo is like Dirk's caviar.

I digress, but one time we let the Leverich's watch our cat while we went out of town, and they really liked her, so we just kind of let them keep her for a couple of months. Then they moved to New Mexico and now Tim curses the day that we let the chance to get rid of Giselle slip through our fingers. When we finally reclaimed her, Dirk was overwhelmed with the awesome opportunity to eat cat poo and would disappear down to the basement whenever he could. As soon as we caught him we would beat him mercilessly (kind of joking) and take him outside so we could spray his face and mouth with the power hose. Either the beatings trained him or Dirk is just plain dumb (my money's on dumb, sorry Bud) and he soon forgot about the cat litter.

Anyway, this post isn't about Dirk eating poo. Or maybe it is, because I figured he had Giardia again which he gets from drinking poopy contaminated standing water at the dog park (another heavenly treat in dogdom). He does this even as I'm screaming and running at him like a fool. Just keeps drinking like, "By the time she gets here, I'll have drunk my fill, and then I can run away. Bottoms up!" So he was barfing and I thought I should be a good owner and take him to the vet since it wasn't going away on its own. Also Giselle needed her distemper booster (distemper could cause her to die from vomiting and diarrhea) so I figured I would be an EXTRA good pet owner and take both the pets in.

Then I got in trouble.

My cat's ears need to be cleaned.

I need to brush my cat's teeth.

I should be brushing my dog's teeth, and since I haven't been, he needs to have them professionally scaled and cleaned.

My dog does not sit still while you take his blood.

My dog does not sit still while you give him a shot.

My dog does not sit still.

If you take my dog out of the examining room to the scary back room so that you can take his blood, he will drag you by the leash back to me with all his might.

My dog and cat have dandruff. I should wash my dog with a special shampoo for this (I do) and I should use it for a while so that it can work (I've been using it all winter).

My dog needs a heartworm test because he's supposed to get one every year and he hasn't had one for two years and now it's a "liability" to the vet. The vet acquiesces that I am a "responsible" pet owner and so he let me slide with not getting one last year, but he really needs to do one now. He'll do one for free next year if I remind him, except we won't be here next year.

And, $250 later, the animals are all caught up on their vaccines and guess what? Dirk doesn't have Giardia, or heartworm. Isn't that nice.

If Dirk had a fairy godmother...

He would want Jess to be his dog mom. And he would want to weigh 10 pounds and be allowed to sleep in the bed.

Jess moved to Madison this weekend to be with her husband, which is good, but I'm really going to miss having her close by. Who else will wear my Snuggie and let my dog sit on their lap?

We had a Girls' Night for Jess at my house last week, which was fun for everyone except Tim, who was apparently not happy that Girls' Night was not over when he got home at 9 pm. He then proceeded to text all the girls' husbands with instructions to, "Tell your wife to go home." That funny Tim!

It's like making out with a teenager

Tim got braces. I think he's adorable.

Belly up

When your husband says, "Make a sassy face", you make a sassy face.



Here we all are at 14 1/2 weeks! I'm going to ask my doctor if I've gained a little too much at my next appointment, and if she hesitates at all, I'm going to jump in with, "Is it the Golden Oreos?? Or the Butterfingers?"

It was a lot like the jazz flute scene in Anchorman

This is a gchat that my friend Alison and I had the other day at work (don't mind the typos, we were working, people!):

2:02 PM me: sometimes i like to give people little peeks into my work life on a day to day basis, and right this second, as my favorite person who is technically signed into gmail, you get to know that:

right now in the stairwell there is a man playing a jazz flute, on the landing of the 10th floor

he's not playing for anyone

he's just jamming in the stairwell

2:03 PM Alison: I LVOE THAT

me: apparently he's a common character who doesn't like people and is more comfortable with the stairwell

Alison: i love jazz flute

me: i kid you not he has been playing for at least 2 hours

2:04 PM Alison: is he good?

2:05 PM me: not bad

Alison: excellent

me: i am a lucky girl

2:06 PM Alison: you know, you really are! keep counting those blessings

2:07 PM me: seriously, always something to be grateful for

that and my pudding snack

2:08 PM Alison: oh man

"Chinese leader says he's 'definitely a little worried' about loans to the U.S."

When I was at the gym on Saturday morning I saw this headline scroll across the silent television screen and about laughed out loud. My first thought was, "Really? Just a little?" Then I wondered if this ambiguous "Chinese leader" (are we talking Hu Jintao? more on him in a little bit) had given this sound byte in Chinese? And this is how we translated it? "Definitely a little worried"? Or, did he say it in a scary voice like the Chinese bad guy that captured Jack Bauer and shipped him off to China to be tortured for a year (maybe it was for Jack's own good, so that he could sober up and not get another DUI and RUIN MY LIFE for an extended period of time)?

As most of you may know, I don't watch the news, read the paper, or in general pay attention to much in the outside world. Yes, I'm ignorant. Yes, President Obama could completely turn this country into a socialist regime and I probably wouldn't know it until the VA Hospital was turned into the Milwaukee People's Hospital, or whatever. Yes, I know I should pay attention so that I can be a contributing member of society, blah blah blah I'LL WORK ON IT when my main job is paying attention to a cute little baby instead of dealing with crusty old men who say really nice things to me like, "When I leave here I'm going to piss on your desk." MAYBE.

So, having said all that, I had no idea who the president of China even was. I did what any good American would do: look it up on Wikipedia. And here's what I discovered:

"Hu Jintao (simplified Chinese: 胡锦涛; traditional Chinese: 胡錦濤; pinyin: Hú Jǐntāo; born 21 December 1942) is currently the Paramount Leader of the People's Republic of China, holding the titles of General Secretary of the Communist Party of China since 2002, President of the People's Republic of China since 2003, and Chairman of the Central Military Commission since 2004, succeeding Jiang Zemin in the fourth generation leadership of the People's Republic of China, and commands the largest standing army in the world."

Holy crap, friends, check out all those titles! It made me kind of jealous! I don't really have any cool titles, unless you count being able to sign MSW (Master's of Social Work) and APSW (Advanced Practice Social Worker) after my name. Which, uh, hmm, I think is kind of cool but I live in an insulated world of happy thoughts and images of my own choosing, SO! It's probably not that cool.

What would your communist titles be? I think I like "Emperial Princess of the Rauch (rented) Home and Mistress Supreme to the Most Highly Favored (by me and his mother) Tim the Great Dental Student". You like? Ok well I know you can come up with something better. Let's hear it.

Expectant

We're real excited. I'm 12 weeks now and due on September 23rd. Today we got to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was amazing - except for when I wanted to throw up the whole time. But really, so incredible to think that there is a little person growing in here. We'll keep you guys updated.



* Thank you McAllister's for the sexy alphabet sheet cake (we know you had sex too).

** Thank you Jess King for the most beautiful representation of my uterus (aka fertile garden womb) that I have ever seen. I'll have to post a picture of that.